I SO do not need another hobby. But i am terribly addicted to buying beads and working on designs for jewelry. I LOVE sparklie things and making jewelry is terribly soothing for me. I am hoping to sell some pieces as i have gotten quite a bit of interest in my jewelry. I have been giving things mostly to family and friends, kinda feeling the field out to see if i totally suck at this. I am hoping to use any money i make to pay for my son's speech therapy. We are struggling to make ends meet and i am doing every odd thing i can think of to make money to pay for his therapy.

It makes me wonder what i did wrong when i was pregnant. Was there something i could of done better? Did i damage him in some way? There is so much guilt because i feel that this is my fault. He can talk and he says words, 4 word sentences, sings songs (somewhat), but he choses to not talk alot. I blame myself for feeling stupid when he was a baby about talking to him. I just wanted to be around him and touch him all the time. I just always felt so silly talking to him all the time like i see moms doing. I already feeling half in the crazy hole and i felt that would completely send me to the lony bin. Maybe that's why he is quiet, i should of talked to him more. I just have a problem acting like those perfect silly moms i see. They dress great, they play great games with their kids, interact well with others and i always feel on the outskirts like some sort of freak.

"Shh don't look now, here comes the sweatpant mom"

I have such issues with being perky, i have no idea how to do it. When i am at the park with the other moms i feel like they are sizing me up and discarding me. I feeling like Missus Potatohead. My kids are always well received and play great with others, but i am always sitting on the outskirts like there is an invisible wall.

*sigh* it is like High School ALL OVER again.

I find a few moms to talk to every now and again and i think i get so excited i have someone to chat with i sound like i having been inhaling helium. OhmygoshyourbabyisjustthecutestwheredidyoufindthatoutfitforhimohheissayinghisABC'sthatisgreat
Nomysonisnotindaycarebecauseiworkthenightshiftandamabletostayhomeduringtheday.That'sgreat thatyoudon'thavetoworkbecauseyourhusbandisworthmorethanBritan.OhsorryihavetogetDheiseatingtrash.Berightback
I am seriously surprised if anyone understands what i am saying.

Boy i got COMPLETELY off the subject.

That's so unlike me.

Not.